A Thousand Conversations We Still Have

For those who don't know, I'm Barak the oldest brother of Omer. I wanted to share a few things about him, especially in the time of spring — a beautiful and new, clean period, that always reminds me of the land, Judaism, innocence, and happiness.

Recently I remember April/May 2023 - I came to Israel for a few days, usually I would visit several times a year. Short but beautiful periods. I had a lot of quality time with Omer. We took trips just the two of us, talked nonstop every trip. We drank together, we ate together, I saw him smoking cigarettes and trying to convince me that he doesn't smoke a lot, but he could finish a deck in a sitting of an hour. We haven’t lived in the same house together since 2015; and especially since he was in the Army, it was much harder to maintain a good relationship. One of the things I appreciate most in the past two years is how our bond has blossomed. Phone calls for hours, I talked to him in a way we never spoke. He grew, I grew. I know that the connection has only grown and grown over time—which is hard for me, it's usually the longing for the conversations, the connection, and the thought of how much more we could grow together. We've always been brothers, but we've become good friends. He was one of my dearest friends.

I think because of the distance, his death affects mine a little differently. I think about him every minute of the day, but most of the time I'm not sad. I miss, and there are difficult moments of longing, but it doesn't drag me to hours of sadness. But i think about his smile all the time. And his laugh - he had an addictive laugh. Was like a teddy bear like this.

I miss our conversations about politics—whether I agreed with him or not, I could hear him talk for hours. He was calm when he spoke. I could just look and hear him. Getting up in the morning at home, coffee outside when there is sun and all the garden flowers. If he was home, I would always call him, to come sit next to me, and drink coffee together. Walking on the beach, more talking. Beer on the sea, more talking, plus a bit of buzz. We went to see a family in the area, just me and him. Family is the most important thing to him. Taking the time to see family, near or far, made him happy. And I felt how many connections he had, how much the family loved him. If there comes a day I return to Israel, I want to continue this for him.

We talked about Omer not so long ago, I don't remember where it was, but I said something about Omer and added "may he be healthy. "And I got some face like that, like"? ׳. But it's more suitable for me to say it. He's not yet in the category of Zel for me, it doesn't suit him. He still feels too much here with me.

I miss my prince @bbalva1